Sunday, September 20, 2009
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Code of Conduct for Accountability
The purpose of accountability (one on one or in a group) is to both share openly and honestly with each other and be completely transparent about our sexual sins, while helping each other to avoid temptation. So, one of the stumbling blocks here is the question: "How can we be completely transparent about our sexual sins, without causing other guys to be tempted or to fall?" So, we need to set some ground rules about what is appropriate to share, and what is not appropriate to share.
Now, first of all, as an experienced accountability partner, I don't mind a lot of "locker room" talk about sex, masturbation, sexuality, and anatomy issues. And, I handle a lot of discussion about sexual issues every day. Chances are that when a guy admits to me that he has masturbated – he is not the first guy that day to tell me that.
However, I find that when I set ground rules about what is appropriate to share and what is not appropriate to share for those that I keep accountable, it makes them feel much better, and they respect me more for setting those boundaries. Because when guys know how to share more openly and honestly about any sexual issue without being inappropriate, they share more freely about really matters in terms of recovery. And, that's what I want each of us to be able to do in our accountability relationships and in our support groups. I call it "Discussion Boundaries." So, the Code of Conduct here includes some some ground rules... about “Discussion Boundaries."
Rule 1.) - Do not describe the "graphic" details of the phyiscal imagry of sexual experiences. This rule applies regardless of whether it was your own experience, the experience of others, or the things you saw in porn (or in fantasy), whether it in the past or stuff that's has occured recently.
You CAN talk all about times, triggers, emotions, & situations that made you vulnerable to temptation or when you fell into temptation. And those things are what really matters in terms of recovery.
And, you can talk openly and honestly and be blunt about sexual experiences. But, do so without painting the whole "pornographic" picture. For example, it's okay to say "and then we had oral sex" but, don't make others re-live every "sweaty detail" about it.
This also applies to sex in marriage. There will be single men in support groups that do not need to hear graphic discriptions of sex in marriage. So please keep that to a minimum. However, you may share openly and honestly about your sex life in marriage with your single accountability partner or a support group without the graphic details.
Also do not ask for "graphic" details like that from other people.
Rule 2.) - Do not describe sexual positions, or positions you use in masturbation.
For example: You can say that you use your hands to masturbate. However, do not describe what hand positions you use. You can say that you use an object to masturbate with, but don't go into detail about how you use it.
Do not go into detail about what specific sexual positions you used in real life, or saw in porn, or use in fanticy.
This also applies to sex in marriage. There will be single men in groups that do not need to hear graphic discriptions of sexual positions in marriage. So please keep that to a minimum. However, you may share openly and honestly about your sex life in marriage with your accountability partners or a group without the graphic details.
Also do not ask people to share sexual positions or masturbation positions.
Rule 3.) - Do not share your exact penis size or ask about the penis size of your accountability parnter (or anyone in a group). We don't need to know that information, and it's not helpful information.
Now, from time to time accountability partners may have discussions about penis size insecurity (because it can be a root issue for some guys' sexual sin). And, it's okay to mention situations where other guys have been bigger or smaller than you. But, we're not here to describe in inches or feet about how long or short our penises are (or how wide or narrow) etc.
Rule 4.) Don't LIE and don't hide any sexual sins.
A simple Bible reference will explain why I ask that we do not lie: "Thou shalt not lie."
If you feel uncomfortable sharing something that you've done recently or something in your past with a whole support group, feel free to contact your group facilitator or accountability partner by email or phone privately. But, don't just lie and hide your sexual sin from everyone entirely.
Rule 5.) Never engage in immoral conversation with your accountability parnter (or anyone from group), regardless of whether it takes place inside or outside of normal accountability sessions.
Always promote a safe enviroment that is free of immoral activity. Please use sexually pure Christ-like conduct as much as possible in your communication with other members both within group sessions and outside of group sessions.
Rule 6.) Never send or ask for pictures with any form of nudity in them, including pornographic pictures.
Do not send nude or sexually suggestive pics of yourself to your accountability partner. And, do not request the same. This avoids embarassment, feelings of awkwardness, and keeps the relationship focused on purity.
So, please do not exchange pictures that contain nudity or are sexually suggestive with your accountabilty partners.
Rule 7.) Do not act out while talking with your accountability partner or group, or solicit others to act out with you.
It is okay to mention that you are struggling with being horny right now, or struggling with impure thoughts, or even have looked at porn a few minutes ago.
However, it it innapropriate to masturbate, view porn, or search for webcam sex, while talking with your accountability partner(s). That is like asking them to talk with you while you have sex with a prostitute. It is not good for their recovery program.
And, if someone you are helping with accountability is doing that - ask them to either stop acting out or stop talking with you.
Please abide by these rules while talking with me and your accountability partners.
Now, first of all, as an experienced accountability partner, I don't mind a lot of "locker room" talk about sex, masturbation, sexuality, and anatomy issues. And, I handle a lot of discussion about sexual issues every day. Chances are that when a guy admits to me that he has masturbated – he is not the first guy that day to tell me that.
However, I find that when I set ground rules about what is appropriate to share and what is not appropriate to share for those that I keep accountable, it makes them feel much better, and they respect me more for setting those boundaries. Because when guys know how to share more openly and honestly about any sexual issue without being inappropriate, they share more freely about really matters in terms of recovery. And, that's what I want each of us to be able to do in our accountability relationships and in our support groups. I call it "Discussion Boundaries." So, the Code of Conduct here includes some some ground rules... about “Discussion Boundaries."
Code of Conduct for Accountability
Rule 1.) - Do not describe the "graphic" details of the phyiscal imagry of sexual experiences. This rule applies regardless of whether it was your own experience, the experience of others, or the things you saw in porn (or in fantasy), whether it in the past or stuff that's has occured recently.
You CAN talk all about times, triggers, emotions, & situations that made you vulnerable to temptation or when you fell into temptation. And those things are what really matters in terms of recovery.
And, you can talk openly and honestly and be blunt about sexual experiences. But, do so without painting the whole "pornographic" picture. For example, it's okay to say "and then we had oral sex" but, don't make others re-live every "sweaty detail" about it.
This also applies to sex in marriage. There will be single men in support groups that do not need to hear graphic discriptions of sex in marriage. So please keep that to a minimum. However, you may share openly and honestly about your sex life in marriage with your single accountability partner or a support group without the graphic details.
Also do not ask for "graphic" details like that from other people.
Rule 2.) - Do not describe sexual positions, or positions you use in masturbation.
For example: You can say that you use your hands to masturbate. However, do not describe what hand positions you use. You can say that you use an object to masturbate with, but don't go into detail about how you use it.
Do not go into detail about what specific sexual positions you used in real life, or saw in porn, or use in fanticy.
This also applies to sex in marriage. There will be single men in groups that do not need to hear graphic discriptions of sexual positions in marriage. So please keep that to a minimum. However, you may share openly and honestly about your sex life in marriage with your accountability partners or a group without the graphic details.
Also do not ask people to share sexual positions or masturbation positions.
Rule 3.) - Do not share your exact penis size or ask about the penis size of your accountability parnter (or anyone in a group). We don't need to know that information, and it's not helpful information.
Now, from time to time accountability partners may have discussions about penis size insecurity (because it can be a root issue for some guys' sexual sin). And, it's okay to mention situations where other guys have been bigger or smaller than you. But, we're not here to describe in inches or feet about how long or short our penises are (or how wide or narrow) etc.
Rule 4.) Don't LIE and don't hide any sexual sins.
A simple Bible reference will explain why I ask that we do not lie: "Thou shalt not lie."
If you feel uncomfortable sharing something that you've done recently or something in your past with a whole support group, feel free to contact your group facilitator or accountability partner by email or phone privately. But, don't just lie and hide your sexual sin from everyone entirely.
Rule 5.) Never engage in immoral conversation with your accountability parnter (or anyone from group), regardless of whether it takes place inside or outside of normal accountability sessions.
Always promote a safe enviroment that is free of immoral activity. Please use sexually pure Christ-like conduct as much as possible in your communication with other members both within group sessions and outside of group sessions.
Rule 6.) Never send or ask for pictures with any form of nudity in them, including pornographic pictures.
Do not send nude or sexually suggestive pics of yourself to your accountability partner. And, do not request the same. This avoids embarassment, feelings of awkwardness, and keeps the relationship focused on purity.
So, please do not exchange pictures that contain nudity or are sexually suggestive with your accountabilty partners.
Rule 7.) Do not act out while talking with your accountability partner or group, or solicit others to act out with you.
It is okay to mention that you are struggling with being horny right now, or struggling with impure thoughts, or even have looked at porn a few minutes ago.
However, it it innapropriate to masturbate, view porn, or search for webcam sex, while talking with your accountability partner(s). That is like asking them to talk with you while you have sex with a prostitute. It is not good for their recovery program.
And, if someone you are helping with accountability is doing that - ask them to either stop acting out or stop talking with you.
Please abide by these rules while talking with me and your accountability partners.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Get Help Now - Chat with Someone Online!
No matter what your situation is in regards to porn or sexual sin (or someone who's into it), there are people online that you can chat with who can help you and answer your questions.
Visit this site for Free Annomynous Online Help:
Go to: http://www.xxxchurch.com/
Click on "X3 Live Help" button at the top right of their home page (like the picture to the right), and you can chat instantly with a representative from their ministry.
Visit this site for information about Every Man's Battle Workshops:
Go to: http://www.everymansbattle.com/
Click on "Chat Now" button at the top right of their home page (like the picture to the right), and you can chat instantly with a representative from their ministry.
Representatives are available mostly on Mondays-Fridays from morning to late at night.
Visit this site for Free Annomynous Online Help:
Go to: http://www.xxxchurch.com/Click on "X3 Live Help" button at the top right of their home page (like the picture to the right), and you can chat instantly with a representative from their ministry.
Visit this site for information about Every Man's Battle Workshops:
Go to: http://www.everymansbattle.com/Click on "Chat Now" button at the top right of their home page (like the picture to the right), and you can chat instantly with a representative from their ministry.
Representatives are available mostly on Mondays-Fridays from morning to late at night.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Links For Women And Sexual Sin Issues
Help for Women Sexual Addicts:
Go to: http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/mb/ewb
Go to: http://www.shannonethridge.com/
Help for porn actresses:
Go to: http://www.shelleylubben.com/
Go to: www.xxxchurch.com click contact us, and click on the information email.
When emailing a porn freedom ministry, make sure not to use any key words like "porn" in your email. Use abbrevations instead (like p. for porn) b/c of their porn filters on their email accounts.
Help for Wives of Sexual Addicts:
Go to: http://www.partnersforpurity.com/
Go to: http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/mb/ehr
Go to: http://www.everyheartrestored.com/
Go to: http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/mb/ewb
Go to: http://www.shannonethridge.com/
Help for porn actresses:
Go to: http://www.shelleylubben.com/
Go to: www.xxxchurch.com click contact us, and click on the information email.
When emailing a porn freedom ministry, make sure not to use any key words like "porn" in your email. Use abbrevations instead (like p. for porn) b/c of their porn filters on their email accounts.
Help for Wives of Sexual Addicts:
Go to: http://www.partnersforpurity.com/
Go to: http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/mb/ehr
Go to: http://www.everyheartrestored.com/
Accountability Questions
Here are some accountability questions that a wife of a porn addict posted about:
Since we last met:
1. Have you been anywhere with a woman that might be seen as compromising?
2. Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?
3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit materials?
4. Have you been faithful in Bible study and prayer?
5. Have you spent adequate time with your family?
6. Have you performed a Christian service?
7. Have you just lied to me?
8. Where are you hurting?
I would add:
9. Have you been seeking God?
10. Do you know who you are in Christ?
Since we last met:
1. Have you been anywhere with a woman that might be seen as compromising?
2. Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?
3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit materials?
4. Have you been faithful in Bible study and prayer?
5. Have you spent adequate time with your family?
6. Have you performed a Christian service?
7. Have you just lied to me?
8. Where are you hurting?
I would add:
9. Have you been seeking God?
10. Do you know who you are in Christ?
More Free Articles
More Free Articles
If you guys haven't had enough article links to bookmark, you can also enjoy saving this link with over a hundred and fifty articles on Every Man's Battle's website: http://www.newlife.com/4/library_list.asp?typeid=79718
And here's another masturbation article. (Don't mind the picture of Egyptian hieroglyphs of guys getting circumcised.) The article is kinda okay and sums up alot of great points on history, different views, and suggestions for overcomming masturbation. http://www.ldolphin.org/Mast.shtml
Articles dealing with homosexuality: (that you can read for yourself or to understand someone you know)
http://www.exodus.to/content/view/382/177/
http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/homosexuality/
Again, don't think you have to read all or most of the articles that I've given you. But, keep track of these article links and save/print what you can for your own personal reference. These articles will really help you renew your mind and give you great advice, like I do. : )
If you guys haven't had enough article links to bookmark, you can also enjoy saving this link with over a hundred and fifty articles on Every Man's Battle's website: http://www.newlife.com/4/library_list.asp?typeid=79718
And here's another masturbation article. (Don't mind the picture of Egyptian hieroglyphs of guys getting circumcised.) The article is kinda okay and sums up alot of great points on history, different views, and suggestions for overcomming masturbation. http://www.ldolphin.org/Mast.shtml
Articles dealing with homosexuality: (that you can read for yourself or to understand someone you know)
http://www.exodus.to/content/view/382/177/
http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/homosexuality/
Again, don't think you have to read all or most of the articles that I've given you. But, keep track of these article links and save/print what you can for your own personal reference. These articles will really help you renew your mind and give you great advice, like I do. : )
My Thoughts on (solo) Masturbation
"On the subject of Solo masturbation in general:
I have read from several books and articles by sexual addiction experts that "(solo) masturbation fuels pornography addiction." So, if a guy ever had a porn addiction, "(solo) masturbation always leaves the door open" for a guy to fall back into a porn addiction.
Also, solo masturbation usually is a bad thing to bring into a marriage. I've read lots of testimonies of wives, who say they dislike their husband's m- practice. Some wives felt so betrayed that they wanted to get a divorce over their spouse j/king off.
Masturbation is also a major turn off for girlfriends (according to XXXchurch ministries).
There are many reasons why solo masturbation could be considered a sin or at least a destructive habit, but I won't go into all of that detail here."
I have read from several books and articles by sexual addiction experts that "(solo) masturbation fuels pornography addiction." So, if a guy ever had a porn addiction, "(solo) masturbation always leaves the door open" for a guy to fall back into a porn addiction.
Also, solo masturbation usually is a bad thing to bring into a marriage. I've read lots of testimonies of wives, who say they dislike their husband's m- practice. Some wives felt so betrayed that they wanted to get a divorce over their spouse j/king off.
Masturbation is also a major turn off for girlfriends (according to XXXchurch ministries).
There are many reasons why solo masturbation could be considered a sin or at least a destructive habit, but I won't go into all of that detail here."
MASTURBATION AUDIO / VIDEO LINKS
MASTURBATION AUDIO / VIDEO LINKS:
The Perils of Porn & Masturbation - Part 1
(from the South Africa Exodus '97 Tour)
pnm://ra.gospelcom.net/mlm/s11a.rm (42 min)
(*Note: talks about M only in 2nd half of it)
The Perils of Porn & Masturbation - Part 2
(from the South Africa Exodus '97 Tour)
pnm://ra.gospelcom.net/mlm/s11b.rm (43 min)
Workshop for Men Only - What Does God Say About Masturbation?
by Stephen Black ~ As Prepared by Flaming Truth Ministries (43 min)
www.firststone.org/audio/masturbation.wma
Best M-word video message, by EMB ministries director: (19 min) http://www.pureonline.com/video-news04-18-06.aspx
^^^ That's about 2 and a half hours on the subject of masturbation. (*Note: I appologize that the first 3 messages are from homosexual ministries. Hardly anyone else posts free masturbation audio messages online. Also, what is said in those messages apply across the board to heterosexuals.)"
Blessings,
Lovenbible
The Perils of Porn & Masturbation - Part 1
(from the South Africa Exodus '97 Tour)
pnm://ra.gospelcom.net/mlm/s11a.rm (42 min)
(*Note: talks about M only in 2nd half of it)
The Perils of Porn & Masturbation - Part 2
(from the South Africa Exodus '97 Tour)
pnm://ra.gospelcom.net/mlm/s11b.rm (43 min)
Workshop for Men Only - What Does God Say About Masturbation?
by Stephen Black ~ As Prepared by Flaming Truth Ministries (43 min)
www.firststone.org/audio/masturbation.wma
Best M-word video message, by EMB ministries director: (19 min) http://www.pureonline.com/video-news04-18-06.aspx
^^^ That's about 2 and a half hours on the subject of masturbation. (*Note: I appologize that the first 3 messages are from homosexual ministries. Hardly anyone else posts free masturbation audio messages online. Also, what is said in those messages apply across the board to heterosexuals.)"
Blessings,
Lovenbible
Online Christian Audio/Video messages
Online Christian Audio/Video messages about porn freedom:
Sex & Supremacy of Christ Conference http://www.desiringgod.org/news_events/dgm_national/2004/media.html
More John Piper Sermons on Sex: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTopic/12/
Mastering Life Ministries (sex addiction & homosexual messages) http://masteringlife.gospelcom.net/page.php?load=audio
2nd glance ministries
http://www.2ndglance.org/
Grace: The Power to Change (How Grace brings freedom from addiction) rtsp://impactministries.propagation.net/impactministries/realaudio/grace28.ram
Born to be Free (Talks about Christian 12 step program for all addiction)
www.ctvn.org/btbf
Sexual Addiction Counselors & Interviews with sex addiction experts (30 min shows) http://www.blazinggrace.org/ (click on radio show)
S.A. Expert, Jonathan Daugherty, with great advice for sexual purity, Bible studies, and answers questions (15 min shows)
http://www.puresexradio.com/
FREE MASTURBATION MOVIE - By EMB Ministries:
http://www.pureonline.com/video-news04-18-06.aspx
LifeChurch.tv Online Video Messages on Sexual Purity:
Satan's Sex Ed (4 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=90&CategoryID=7
Goin' All The Way (4 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=6&CategoryID=7
God Loves Sex (6 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=27&CategoryID=7
Sex Files (6 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=39&CategoryID=7
Online booklets:
Resisting the Lure (of Sexual Sin), Click here: http://www.rbc.org/uploadedfiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/resisting_the_lure.pdf
When A Man's Eye Wonders: Breaking the power of pornography, Click here:
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedFiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/When_A_Mans_Eye_Wanders.pdf
When We Just Can't Stop: Overcomming Addictions, Click here:
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedfiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/When_We_Just_Cant_Stop_Overcoming_Addiction.pdf
Designed for Desire: God's Design for Sexuality, Click here:
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedfiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/Designed_For_Desire.pdf
Over 150 Online Sexual Purity articles:
http://www.newlife.com/4/library_list.asp?typeid=79718
Places to find recovery groups: Celebrate recovery groups http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ (search for groups in your area)
Promise Keeper groups (search for "promise keepers" and go to their website to find more information & call them for groups in your area)
http://www.ctvn.org/btbf (click on find a group, and enter your zipcode, all sorts of recovery groups in your area)
Every Mans Battle Groups http://www.EveryMansBattle.com (click on "Support Groups" on the left side of the page, enter your zipcode to find a group in your area)
Recommended books & reading:
Every Man's Battle By Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker
buy it: http://www.everymansbattle.com/ or http://www.christianbook.com/
At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry By Steve Gallagher
buy it: http://www.purelifeministries.com/ or http://www.christianbook.com/
Sex & Supremacy of Christ Conference http://www.desiringgod.org/news_events/dgm_national/2004/media.html
More John Piper Sermons on Sex: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTopic/12/
Mastering Life Ministries (sex addiction & homosexual messages) http://masteringlife.gospelcom.net/page.php?load=audio
2nd glance ministries
http://www.2ndglance.org/
Grace: The Power to Change (How Grace brings freedom from addiction) rtsp://impactministries.propagation.net/impactministries/realaudio/grace28.ram
Born to be Free (Talks about Christian 12 step program for all addiction)
www.ctvn.org/btbf
Sexual Addiction Counselors & Interviews with sex addiction experts (30 min shows) http://www.blazinggrace.org/ (click on radio show)
S.A. Expert, Jonathan Daugherty, with great advice for sexual purity, Bible studies, and answers questions (15 min shows)
http://www.puresexradio.com/
FREE MASTURBATION MOVIE - By EMB Ministries:
http://www.pureonline.com/video-news04-18-06.aspx
LifeChurch.tv Online Video Messages on Sexual Purity:
Satan's Sex Ed (4 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=90&CategoryID=7
Goin' All The Way (4 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=6&CategoryID=7
God Loves Sex (6 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=27&CategoryID=7
Sex Files (6 part series):
http://www.lifechurch.tv/Default.aspx/p/39?SermonID=39&CategoryID=7
Online booklets:
Resisting the Lure (of Sexual Sin), Click here: http://www.rbc.org/uploadedfiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/resisting_the_lure.pdf
When A Man's Eye Wonders: Breaking the power of pornography, Click here:
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedFiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/When_A_Mans_Eye_Wanders.pdf
When We Just Can't Stop: Overcomming Addictions, Click here:
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedfiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/When_We_Just_Cant_Stop_Overcoming_Addiction.pdf
Designed for Desire: God's Design for Sexuality, Click here:
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedfiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDF/Designed_For_Desire.pdf
Over 150 Online Sexual Purity articles:
http://www.newlife.com/4/library_list.asp?typeid=79718
Places to find recovery groups: Celebrate recovery groups http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ (search for groups in your area)
Promise Keeper groups (search for "promise keepers" and go to their website to find more information & call them for groups in your area)
http://www.ctvn.org/btbf (click on find a group, and enter your zipcode, all sorts of recovery groups in your area)
Every Mans Battle Groups http://www.EveryMansBattle.com (click on "Support Groups" on the left side of the page, enter your zipcode to find a group in your area)
Recommended books & reading:
Every Man's Battle By Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker
buy it: http://www.everymansbattle.com/ or http://www.christianbook.com/
At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry By Steve Gallagher
buy it: http://www.purelifeministries.com/ or http://www.christianbook.com/
Places to find local accountability
Places to find local accountability:
The first place to look is your local church. If you feel comfortable talking with your pastor or elders in the church, and they are very confidential and loving, that's a great place to find it.
However...
- Do NOT go to your local church/pastor/leaders if they or others in your church are judgmental, critical, gossiping, etc. concerning sexual sins
. - A good indicator:
If women that are divorced, or commit adultry in your church are treated "differently", don't take this problem to the local church.
- This is b/c those people will probably ruin your reputation. Then you may feel extremely rejected and that cause you to completely withdraw into isolation. As a result, you may not open up for years with another person, and it will delay the healing process.
If you can't find grace and compassion in your own local church, find a Christian Bible-based recovery group. Perferably, it should directly address sexual issues. However, even regular recovery groups may have sexually pure guys willing and able to be an accountability partner in these sexual areas.
There are several places to find recovery groups in your area:
- Go to: www.celebraterecovery.org and surf around until you find groups in your state/area.
- Go to: www.everymansbattle.com and enter your zipcode, click okay, and see if there are any groups near by. ***Note: If there are no groups, contact the christian counselors in your area reccomended under everymansbattle's website. For contact info for groups and counselors you will have to call Toll Free: 1-800-NEW-LIFE
- Go to: http://www.exodus.to/content/view/40/67/ and click on your state. Contact each exodus ministry in your area.
***Note: Exodus international is a refferal ministry for ALL sexual sin issues, not just homosexuality. They know about virtually ALL sexual support groups in your area. Plus, they may have FREE counseling available to Straight guys struggling with porn related issues
- Go to: http://www.ctvn.org/btbf enter your zipcode, click okay, and it will give you a listing of all types of recovery programs in your area.
- If all else fails, go to the Promise Keepers website and find a group there. 60% of the men that have attended a promise keepers conference admited to having problems looking at internet porn. Therefore, you'll probably find guys willing to help in local PK programs, if you can't find anything else locally.
Create Your own Group: Here's an article on how to start your own accountability group: http://www.christianitytoday.com/smallgroups/articles/howaccountability.html
Here are a few places I know of so far for Online Accountabilty
Crosswalk Men's Personal Issues subforum:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/forumid_69/tt.htm
- Ask for accountability online here from other Christian guys. (Be careful, these forums are viewable by anyone online and are even in indexed by google. So, don't post any identifyable information you don't want others to know.)
Every Mans Battle forums:
http://everymansbattle.ning.com
- Ask for accountability here from other Christian guys struggling with sexual sin issues. (This forum is only readable by registered viewers)
Fred Stoeker Forums:
http://www.fredstoeker.com/community/index.php
- Discuss topics from any Every Mans Series book (Viewable to anyone online, male & female discussions)
X3 Church Forums:
http://www.xxxchurch.com/board/index.php
- Ask for accountability here from other Christian guys (Be careful. The people in this forums are not always Christian, and not always sexually pure. Specifically ask for porn free Christians that are not currently practicing sexual sin.)
[Teens Only] Forums:
http://www.teensagainstporn.com
[Strugglers Only] Forums:
http://www.purityreport.com
The first place to look is your local church. If you feel comfortable talking with your pastor or elders in the church, and they are very confidential and loving, that's a great place to find it.
However...
- Do NOT go to your local church/pastor/leaders if they or others in your church are judgmental, critical, gossiping, etc. concerning sexual sins
. - A good indicator:
If women that are divorced, or commit adultry in your church are treated "differently", don't take this problem to the local church.
- This is b/c those people will probably ruin your reputation. Then you may feel extremely rejected and that cause you to completely withdraw into isolation. As a result, you may not open up for years with another person, and it will delay the healing process.
If you can't find grace and compassion in your own local church, find a Christian Bible-based recovery group. Perferably, it should directly address sexual issues. However, even regular recovery groups may have sexually pure guys willing and able to be an accountability partner in these sexual areas.
There are several places to find recovery groups in your area:
- Go to: www.celebraterecovery.org and surf around until you find groups in your state/area.
- Go to: www.everymansbattle.com and enter your zipcode, click okay, and see if there are any groups near by. ***Note: If there are no groups, contact the christian counselors in your area reccomended under everymansbattle's website. For contact info for groups and counselors you will have to call Toll Free: 1-800-NEW-LIFE
- Go to: http://www.exodus.to/content/view/40/67/ and click on your state. Contact each exodus ministry in your area.
***Note: Exodus international is a refferal ministry for ALL sexual sin issues, not just homosexuality. They know about virtually ALL sexual support groups in your area. Plus, they may have FREE counseling available to Straight guys struggling with porn related issues
- Go to: http://www.ctvn.org/btbf enter your zipcode, click okay, and it will give you a listing of all types of recovery programs in your area.
- If all else fails, go to the Promise Keepers website and find a group there. 60% of the men that have attended a promise keepers conference admited to having problems looking at internet porn. Therefore, you'll probably find guys willing to help in local PK programs, if you can't find anything else locally.
Create Your own Group: Here's an article on how to start your own accountability group: http://www.christianitytoday.com/smallgroups/articles/howaccountability.html
Here are a few places I know of so far for Online Accountabilty
Crosswalk Men's Personal Issues subforum:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/forumid_69/tt.htm
- Ask for accountability online here from other Christian guys. (Be careful, these forums are viewable by anyone online and are even in indexed by google. So, don't post any identifyable information you don't want others to know.)
Every Mans Battle forums:
http://everymansbattle.ning.com
- Ask for accountability here from other Christian guys struggling with sexual sin issues. (This forum is only readable by registered viewers)
Fred Stoeker Forums:
http://www.fredstoeker.com/community/index.php
- Discuss topics from any Every Mans Series book (Viewable to anyone online, male & female discussions)
X3 Church Forums:
http://www.xxxchurch.com/board/index.php
- Ask for accountability here from other Christian guys (Be careful. The people in this forums are not always Christian, and not always sexually pure. Specifically ask for porn free Christians that are not currently practicing sexual sin.)
[Teens Only] Forums:
http://www.teensagainstporn.com
[Strugglers Only] Forums:
http://www.purityreport.com
Accountability Articles
Here's an article on how to start your own accountability group:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/smallgroups/articles/howaccountability.html
Other Articles on Accountability: - http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intimacy/redemption/a0000151.cfm
http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intimacy/redemption/a0000120.cfm
http://www.newlife.com/Articles/index.asp?cat=14&t=18&pid=3
http://www.covenanteyes.com/help_and_support/article/?a=122&c=74
http://www.covenanteyes.com/help_and_support/article/?a=121&c=74
http://www.christianitytoday.com/smallgroups/articles/howaccountability.html
Other Articles on Accountability: - http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intimacy/redemption/a0000151.cfm
http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intimacy/redemption/a0000120.cfm
http://www.newlife.com/Articles/index.asp?cat=14&t=18&pid=3
http://www.covenanteyes.com/help_and_support/article/?a=122&c=74
http://www.covenanteyes.com/help_and_support/article/?a=121&c=74
Free Covenant Eyes Trial:
Dear All,
I have some exciting news. Last year I was (unknowingly) talking online with Ron DeHass, who is the president of Covenant Eyes accountability software (ie. www.covenanteyes.com ) He is willing to extend a Free Trial period to use covenant eyes to anyone who emails him, and includes this link to one of our conversations here on this thread: http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_690131/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#1438340
You simply email him at ron@covenanteyes.com and include the link above. If you choose to take this opportunity, many other guys here will be willing to work with you on keep you accountable through covenant eyes, if you wish to do so. (If you already have a filter with satisfactory accountability components in it, then you probably shouldn't bother). If you are not interested, pass the instructions in this email on to a friend that would like to try it or cut/paste this information on forums/blogs for your friends.
(BTW, don't use any keywords like P---, M----------, etc. in your email b/c of email blockers etc. He should email you a list of instructions on how to start a free trial.)
You can learn more about covenant eyes right here: www.covenanteyes.com
Blessings,
(Lovenbible)
A Prayer & Accountability Partner
Dear All,
I have some exciting news. Last year I was (unknowingly) talking online with Ron DeHass, who is the president of Covenant Eyes accountability software (ie. www.covenanteyes.com ) He is willing to extend a Free Trial period to use covenant eyes to anyone who emails him, and includes this link to one of our conversations here on this thread: http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_690131/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#1438340
You simply email him at ron@covenanteyes.com and include the link above. If you choose to take this opportunity, many other guys here will be willing to work with you on keep you accountable through covenant eyes, if you wish to do so. (If you already have a filter with satisfactory accountability components in it, then you probably shouldn't bother). If you are not interested, pass the instructions in this email on to a friend that would like to try it or cut/paste this information on forums/blogs for your friends.
(BTW, don't use any keywords like P---, M----------, etc. in your email b/c of email blockers etc. He should email you a list of instructions on how to start a free trial.)
You can learn more about covenant eyes right here: www.covenanteyes.com
Blessings,
(Lovenbible)
A Prayer & Accountability Partner
Best Internet Filters
Internet Filters:
Hybrid filters (filters with accountability software in them):
http://www.safeeyes.com/ ($60/yr) (My #1 reccomended filter) (Windows & Mac)
http://www.bsafe.com/ ($60/yr)
http://www.familyguardian.net/ ($6 per month)
Filtered Internet Service Provider:
http://www.safebrowse.com/ (dialup)
http://www.integrity.com/ (highspeed)
Internet spyware, filter, and tracker software programs that are unhackable & best for computer experts or hackers with porn problems: http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/SpectorPro_Windows/index.html
http://www.webwatcherkids.com/
Smart Filters that detect porn websites instead of using a blocklist:
http://www.integrity.com/
http://www.naomifilter.org/ - Free Filter, closes browser when porn is accessed
(CAUTION: Naomi has no tech support available. Do not lose your admin password or you will be unable to change filter settings. Please have a friend or relative keep track of your admin password.)
Cheaper filters than most with freetrial:
http://www.netdogsoft.com/
Free filters (may not work, but you get what you pay for):
http://www.k9webprotection.com/ (Excellent Free Filter, allows/blocks indiv. sites)
http://www.weblocker.com/ (works only with Windows 98)
Accountability only software:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/ (price varies, $6/mth)
http://www.accountable2you.com/ (Free - may have problems on some computers)
You can find a free accountability software called X3watch from:
http://www.xxxchurch.com/ - creators
http://www.x3watch.com/ - (Free/$15) sometimes doesn't work, only emails reports.
X3watch has been updated to fix problems that prevent it from working on some computers. You may try it out again, if it hasn't worked for you in the past.
DNS Filter - Only blocks HTML websites
http://www.scrubit.com/index.cfm
With Scrubit - teens simply set up the filter to work with the Windows XP Administrator for their computer. Then, they create a subaccount for themselves. Then, they ask a parent to password protect the administrator. Thus - teens can have filtering going on, without parents knowing about it.
If you use Linux, try:
http://dansguardian.org/
or you can work with OpenDNS:
http://www.opendns.com/features/adult/
There are some Firefox extensions that block porn as well. Don't rely exclusively on those! They aren't as strong as full-fledged internet filters and can be easily turned off: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4351
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1803
That said, AdBlock Plus for Firefox is a useful extension to block all porn/sexually explicit ads on the internet (thus taking away an extra source of temptation):
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1865
If you use Opera, use its 'Blocked Content' feature:
http://my.opera.com/Tamil/blog/ad-block
Additional Filter Links information:
http://www.porn-free.org/filter.htm
Many men have found porn freedom simply by getting accountability software & someone to keep track of them. However, Safe Eyes has the best accountability software. I recommend it first to all my accountability partners. Instead of emailing your accountability partner 1-2 times a month, Safe Eyes will allow your partner to see up to the minute reports on what websites you are viewing, and INTERNET software you are using 24/7 every day.
Also, Safe Eyes has user alerts, you can find more about it on their website: http://www.safeeyes.com/
Statistics:
90% of guys that contact me for accountability online found porn through an image search engine (like google, ask jeeves, alta vista, etc.)
90% of these guys that backslide into veiwing porn, use one of the old websites or image search engines that they used previously to view porn.
That's why I STRONGLY reccomend/ask/command those I keep accountable to get a filter on their computer and AT LEAST block just their old porn websites, and all image search engines. I reccomend that they use a link-only search engine instead like: http://www.hotbot.com/
Also, 50% of the college-age guys that ask me for accountability use a P2P filesharing program to veiw porn and bypass internet filters. It AMAZES me how many young guys think that because they veiw TONS of porn using the P2P program online and not their internet browser - they think they are 'porn free.' How dumb is that? According to statistics: - 60% of the pictures on P2P services are porn. And, some of that contains child pornography (eek!).
So, all in all it's best to uninstall all P2P programs and use a filter (like Safe Eyes http://www.safeeyes.com/ ) that can monitor and block all P2P programs from accessing the internet.
Web tools:
User beware! Be careful of Free software tools. There's no warrenty, and I'm not responcible for suggesting them. Also, do not install any filter or related product on a computer with a filter installed on it. Remove all other filters before installing a filter or tool on your computer to prevent system conflicts.
User Logger: http://chemware.co.nz/usrlog.htm Win95/98/NT/2000/XP/:
User Logger stores information about who used a computer - uniquely identify the user and computer. When they used it - exact dates and times, what they did: See what programs they used, take pictures of the screen, see what they typed. Plus, User Logger comes with built in Screen Capturing utility to make screen shots and save them as GIF or JPEG images. 327 K
Free Parental Control: http://www.free-parental-control.com/ / Win95/98/NT/2000/XP
This free software checks your PC for explicit or other unwanted content picked up from the Internet while you surf the Web. Detects and removes explicit adult material, removes cookies, cache and URLs of explicit Web sites visited. Parent-Friendly Software for Protecting Kids Online Control Kids products are easy and effective software tools that help parents protect children who surf on the Internet. They give you control over what comes into and goes out of your computer. 794 K
Additional Filter Links and information: http://www.porn-free.org/filter.htm
Hybrid filters (filters with accountability software in them):
http://www.safeeyes.com/ ($60/yr) (My #1 reccomended filter) (Windows & Mac)
http://www.bsafe.com/ ($60/yr)
http://www.familyguardian.net/ ($6 per month)
Filtered Internet Service Provider:
http://www.safebrowse.com/ (dialup)
http://www.integrity.com/ (highspeed)
Internet spyware, filter, and tracker software programs that are unhackable & best for computer experts or hackers with porn problems: http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/SpectorPro_Windows/index.html
http://www.webwatcherkids.com/
Smart Filters that detect porn websites instead of using a blocklist:
http://www.integrity.com/
http://www.naomifilter.org/ - Free Filter, closes browser when porn is accessed
(CAUTION: Naomi has no tech support available. Do not lose your admin password or you will be unable to change filter settings. Please have a friend or relative keep track of your admin password.)
Cheaper filters than most with freetrial:
http://www.netdogsoft.com/
Free filters (may not work, but you get what you pay for):
http://www.k9webprotection.com/ (Excellent Free Filter, allows/blocks indiv. sites)
http://www.weblocker.com/ (works only with Windows 98)
Accountability only software:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/ (price varies, $6/mth)
http://www.accountable2you.com/ (Free - may have problems on some computers)
You can find a free accountability software called X3watch from:
http://www.xxxchurch.com/ - creators
http://www.x3watch.com/ - (Free/$15) sometimes doesn't work, only emails reports.
X3watch has been updated to fix problems that prevent it from working on some computers. You may try it out again, if it hasn't worked for you in the past.
DNS Filter - Only blocks HTML websites
http://www.scrubit.com/index.cfm
With Scrubit - teens simply set up the filter to work with the Windows XP Administrator for their computer. Then, they create a subaccount for themselves. Then, they ask a parent to password protect the administrator. Thus - teens can have filtering going on, without parents knowing about it.
If you use Linux, try:
http://dansguardian.org/
or you can work with OpenDNS:
http://www.opendns.com/features/adult/
There are some Firefox extensions that block porn as well. Don't rely exclusively on those! They aren't as strong as full-fledged internet filters and can be easily turned off: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4351
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1803
That said, AdBlock Plus for Firefox is a useful extension to block all porn/sexually explicit ads on the internet (thus taking away an extra source of temptation):
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1865
If you use Opera, use its 'Blocked Content' feature:
http://my.opera.com/Tamil/blog/ad-block
Additional Filter Links information:
http://www.porn-free.org/filter.htm
Many men have found porn freedom simply by getting accountability software & someone to keep track of them. However, Safe Eyes has the best accountability software. I recommend it first to all my accountability partners. Instead of emailing your accountability partner 1-2 times a month, Safe Eyes will allow your partner to see up to the minute reports on what websites you are viewing, and INTERNET software you are using 24/7 every day.
Also, Safe Eyes has user alerts, you can find more about it on their website: http://www.safeeyes.com/
Statistics:
90% of guys that contact me for accountability online found porn through an image search engine (like google, ask jeeves, alta vista, etc.)
90% of these guys that backslide into veiwing porn, use one of the old websites or image search engines that they used previously to view porn.
That's why I STRONGLY reccomend/ask/command those I keep accountable to get a filter on their computer and AT LEAST block just their old porn websites, and all image search engines. I reccomend that they use a link-only search engine instead like: http://www.hotbot.com/
Also, 50% of the college-age guys that ask me for accountability use a P2P filesharing program to veiw porn and bypass internet filters. It AMAZES me how many young guys think that because they veiw TONS of porn using the P2P program online and not their internet browser - they think they are 'porn free.' How dumb is that? According to statistics: - 60% of the pictures on P2P services are porn. And, some of that contains child pornography (eek!).
So, all in all it's best to uninstall all P2P programs and use a filter (like Safe Eyes http://www.safeeyes.com/ ) that can monitor and block all P2P programs from accessing the internet.
Web tools:
User beware! Be careful of Free software tools. There's no warrenty, and I'm not responcible for suggesting them. Also, do not install any filter or related product on a computer with a filter installed on it. Remove all other filters before installing a filter or tool on your computer to prevent system conflicts.
User Logger: http://chemware.co.nz/usrlog.htm Win95/98/NT/2000/XP/:
User Logger stores information about who used a computer - uniquely identify the user and computer. When they used it - exact dates and times, what they did: See what programs they used, take pictures of the screen, see what they typed. Plus, User Logger comes with built in Screen Capturing utility to make screen shots and save them as GIF or JPEG images. 327 K
Free Parental Control: http://www.free-parental-control.com/ / Win95/98/NT/2000/XP
This free software checks your PC for explicit or other unwanted content picked up from the Internet while you surf the Web. Detects and removes explicit adult material, removes cookies, cache and URLs of explicit Web sites visited. Parent-Friendly Software for Protecting Kids Online Control Kids products are easy and effective software tools that help parents protect children who surf on the Internet. They give you control over what comes into and goes out of your computer. 794 K
Additional Filter Links and information: http://www.porn-free.org/filter.htm
Helpful Links!
Helpful Links!
Below is an updated list of all of the websites, audio/video messages and other free resources that I recommend for guys to use online for porn freedom. You should copy, save, email, or print this list in some manner for your reference. You may also try bookmarking some or all of these links. (See Below) - Copy/Save/Print information below. Keep it for your reference:
Information about Porn Freedom:
BEST INTERNET WEBSITE FOR SEXUAL ADDICTION ARTICLES:
www.BlazingGrace.org
- (*Note: Use the Blazing Grace articles on this website like a map to understand the battle against sexual sin/addiction and how to overcome it.)
Information & Scripture teachings on porn, etc.
http://www.porn-free.org
Daily Devotional for porn addicts:
http://www.exxit.org
A BETTER: Daily Devotional for Porn Addicts:
http://www.porn-free.org/Devotions/devotions.htm
Free 60 day Bible study course, that's helped thousands of men & women become porn free, masturbation free, and immorality free. You will be matched with an experienced mentor, who will email you daily or weekly:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/course
Great ministry, counseling resources, 6 month Recovery Camp Ministry and bookstore http://www.purelifeministries.org
Online articles. And, a forum, where you can find many online accountability partners. National Workshop for men.
http://www.everymansbattle.com
A cutting edge porn ministry.
http://www.xxxchurch.com
A porn freedom course, written by Joe Dallas ($125).
http://www.pureonline.org
Other Directories for sexual addiction ministries & resources: http://dmoz.org/Society/Sexuality/Sexual_Addiction/
- (Note: not all listed ministries have my approval)
Below is an updated list of all of the websites, audio/video messages and other free resources that I recommend for guys to use online for porn freedom. You should copy, save, email, or print this list in some manner for your reference. You may also try bookmarking some or all of these links. (See Below) - Copy/Save/Print information below. Keep it for your reference:
Information about Porn Freedom:
BEST INTERNET WEBSITE FOR SEXUAL ADDICTION ARTICLES:
www.BlazingGrace.org
- (*Note: Use the Blazing Grace articles on this website like a map to understand the battle against sexual sin/addiction and how to overcome it.)
Information & Scripture teachings on porn, etc.
http://www.porn-free.org
Daily Devotional for porn addicts:
http://www.exxit.org
A BETTER: Daily Devotional for Porn Addicts:
http://www.porn-free.org/Devotions/devotions.htm
Free 60 day Bible study course, that's helped thousands of men & women become porn free, masturbation free, and immorality free. You will be matched with an experienced mentor, who will email you daily or weekly:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/course
Great ministry, counseling resources, 6 month Recovery Camp Ministry and bookstore http://www.purelifeministries.org
Online articles. And, a forum, where you can find many online accountability partners. National Workshop for men.
http://www.everymansbattle.com
A cutting edge porn ministry.
http://www.xxxchurch.com
A porn freedom course, written by Joe Dallas ($125).
http://www.pureonline.org
Other Directories for sexual addiction ministries & resources: http://dmoz.org/Society/Sexuality/Sexual_Addiction/
- (Note: not all listed ministries have my approval)
First Links I send to Porn Addicts
First links I send to people struggling with porn or sexual purity:
http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllvideos.html
http://www.seekgod.org/bible/letterfromgod.html
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=5e887e9e72bfe5dabca1
- Those two links are love letters from God. The first thing porn addicts need to do is recieve God's love. Shame and guilt are the major road blocks that prevent people from running to God. Recieving the revelaion of God's love for them helps them overcome the shame barrier.
http://www.porn-free.org/sample_prayers.htm
- These prayers are helpful for guys to know how to pray and repent as they ought to from sexual sin issues. Manytimes they just don't know how to pray.
www.blazinggrace.org
- The articles on this website summerize everything I have ever learned about male sexual sin and addiction in my past 10 years worth of research on this topic. I've read sexual recovery books, read TONS of articles, taken online purity courses, I've talked with hundreds of porn/sex addicts (online, by phone, in person), and attended a sexual purity support group for 2 years. Nothing sums up what works in Chrisitan sexual recovery program than this website.
I tell the guys that I keep accountable to use these articles like a "map." This map will gives you an overview of the battle against sexual sin. It will show you where you are in it, and what steps you need to take right now. It will also tell you what God's plan is for your freedom.
http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllvideos.html
http://www.seekgod.org/bible/letterfromgod.html
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=5e887e9e72bfe5dabca1
- Those two links are love letters from God. The first thing porn addicts need to do is recieve God's love. Shame and guilt are the major road blocks that prevent people from running to God. Recieving the revelaion of God's love for them helps them overcome the shame barrier.
http://www.porn-free.org/sample_prayers.htm
- These prayers are helpful for guys to know how to pray and repent as they ought to from sexual sin issues. Manytimes they just don't know how to pray.
www.blazinggrace.org
- The articles on this website summerize everything I have ever learned about male sexual sin and addiction in my past 10 years worth of research on this topic. I've read sexual recovery books, read TONS of articles, taken online purity courses, I've talked with hundreds of porn/sex addicts (online, by phone, in person), and attended a sexual purity support group for 2 years. Nothing sums up what works in Chrisitan sexual recovery program than this website.
I tell the guys that I keep accountable to use these articles like a "map." This map will gives you an overview of the battle against sexual sin. It will show you where you are in it, and what steps you need to take right now. It will also tell you what God's plan is for your freedom.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Hello World
This is my first post on the new Lovenbible's Blog. I never thought it would be this simple.
Anywho, I hope to post some knowledge up here that I've gained over the years about pornography, other sexual sins, and how to obtain freedom from it.
I also hope to put my list of helpful links somewhere on this blog. That would help get the word out about it.
Anywho, I hope to post some knowledge up here that I've gained over the years about pornography, other sexual sins, and how to obtain freedom from it.
I also hope to put my list of helpful links somewhere on this blog. That would help get the word out about it.
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